My road to loneliness, isolation, turning inward, worthlessness, separation, being ashamed, guilt, sadness, THE STIGMA and feelings of being "different" started very early as I look back at my life.  As a newborn I contracted "nursery diarrhea" and was whisked away to the "broom closet" as my mother referred to it, the day I was just a week old. Was this the beginning? I will never know for sure but I do know that my life has been a life of rejection, fear, anger, loneliness, self hatred, feelings of inferiority, self abusive and destructive behaviors and all the stigma that is associated with the diagnosis of too much "hushed" mental diagnoses - major endogenous depressive disorder and anxiety disorder with panic attacks. My journey with these mental health diagnoses has not always been a pretty road to travel. It has had many detours, but thanks to many I can sit here today and write about it.     My childhood was marked by years of time spent in my room away from life because I was a "quiet" person. I had few friends and never associated with anyone, just went to school and came home and went to my room. Throughout my junior high years and into high school I had many episodes of what was described as "sad" periods, "down" times and was sent to a "counselor". I was just in junior high school when I was hospitalized following my first suicide attempt and I was diagnosed as being depressed. I was also diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and anxiety. I would go on to attend a community college and study to become a registered nurse. I would not complete my degree due to a severe bout with my depressive disorder. I would continue to be a "a loner" and continue to battle the "monster" within….depression, anxiety and the eating disorder. I would continue day after day just very low key and doing what i needed to do. I would get married and eventually start a family. There would be sessions with therapists, counselors and the gamut of psychiatric "cures". It would not be until the year 1985 that the correct diagnoses would be made and the correct medications correcting the biochemical imbalance would be found to stabilize my illnesses that would "free" me enough to become a "real" person and truly function in this world. I have been a home bound agoraphobic through many years of the anxiety disorder and panic attacks and would not even leave my four walls. This was a very difficult time as I was not only a wife but the mother of 4 small children at this time. It was at this time that I found the doctors that truly made the correct diagnosis and found the correct medications that met the chemical imbalance i lived with and helped me salvage my life and finally live. As I look back I still vision the shame people attach to "mental illnesses" but I know they are just as epidemic as cancer and there is treatment and cures unlike cancer. Through my experiences I pray others will find a sense of worth and seek help if they are in need. The stigma attached to these diagnosis' should not mark a person's life forever. I am now in full control of my "illnesses" and now live daily one minute at a time with a true compassion for life and its fullest. I have realized I was NEVER alone and others walk this path daily. Above all Please realize "You are NOT alone" If you are a Gentlewomen of the 'Net member and have a page dedicated to Anxiety and Depression, Please take the banner below and link it to this page. Send a banner and the url to Sue and/or Lady Gator, who will add your banner to this page. Listed below are Gentlewomen who support this cause, click on their banners to visit their sites, thank you.